Things here have gotten a lot easier since two months ago. Some days are really hard, but life with the kids has gotten more routine. I had an apartment in the same lot or fenced area (ashram) here where the kids & about 40 other people live, but I lived above a ward of hiv positive women in which the disease had really progressed.. some days it sounded like living in a mental ward.. apparently the virus attacks the brain in a lot of people. Also women who are already mentally handicapped are more vulnerable to being raped. There is one woman who cannot speak, she just kinda grunts or growls who is 7 months pregnant. This passed Sunday I moved into a room downstairs at the house that the kids live in & I'm much happier here. Less time to myself (at this point I didn't know that was possible!) but it's better. No need for an alarm clock, that is for sure! On my moving day the kids also found a 2 week old kitten that I've been volunteered into caring for who has an internal feeding clock that has gone off at 4AM for the passed 3 days (which is why I'm up writing now :) ).
I've been going to the Sister's of Mother Teresa in town (Missionaries of Charity) to volunteer while our kids are away at school & it's really beautiful. The kids are severely disabled & the first time I went I practically ran out of there & that night cried myself to sleep. I was angry with God & couldn't understand how that could happen and people could exist in such a state, but I can't explain it now, but there's a joy in holding some of the kids now & just visiting them. I don't think Mary understood completely what was going on at the annunciation or at the crucifixion, but instead of trying to tackle something with her intelligence I think she just loved. I don't know why these children suffer so much, but all I can do is love them and hold a child that otherwise would not have been held that day. A friend of mine here from Pennsylvania said that that's what we must be like in the arms of Jesus. We're so small and helpless and troubled, and He just wants to love us with his whole heart to the point of giving us his body and dying on a cross. That is some intense love.
It's unfathomable to me to not have parents or a family. There are so many orphans here- I guess there are a lot back home too, but back homeI don't think I know I wouldn't have stopped my life & made time to get out of myself to be with them. Sometimes its hard not having hot water, the bugs & snakes, hand washing clothes, unfamiliar food everything, but at the end of this I get to go home to a beautiful loving family & all of my friends who support me so much. These children won't be home until heaven.
At the Missionaries of Charity it's hard to keep myself from crying sometimes when I'm looking at a child. There is one little girl there named Kit (there are a few more syllables after that, but that's all I can pronounce & I like it because when I hold her we're Kit-Cat :) ). She's 8 years old and the size of a toddler. She must only weight 40 pounds or so. I don't know exactly what's wrong with her, but she cries in such agony most of the time and cannot speak. She jerks around a little when being handled, but once she is set in your arms she seems at peace. I tell her about my day, sing her songs, ask her questions and answer them myself etc. I imagine what she will be like in heaven when God raises her in all his Glory. We will have our bodies in heaven (St. Tomas Aquinas) but our bodies the way they were meant to be -before original sin. Even the disciples didn't recognize Jesus after the resurrection, can you imagine how different we will be? Anyway, I know Kit is going to be even more beautiful, and I imagine she'll walk up to me and tell me that sometimes she sure wished that I would've just been quiet & just held her!
Oh, St. Francis help me with Tex! (our kitten) I sneezed & woke her up & now she's blaring off again.. I'll write again soon.
I've been going to the Sister's of Mother Teresa in town (Missionaries of Charity) to volunteer while our kids are away at school & it's really beautiful. The kids are severely disabled & the first time I went I practically ran out of there & that night cried myself to sleep. I was angry with God & couldn't understand how that could happen and people could exist in such a state, but I can't explain it now, but there's a joy in holding some of the kids now & just visiting them. I don't think Mary understood completely what was going on at the annunciation or at the crucifixion, but instead of trying to tackle something with her intelligence I think she just loved. I don't know why these children suffer so much, but all I can do is love them and hold a child that otherwise would not have been held that day. A friend of mine here from Pennsylvania said that that's what we must be like in the arms of Jesus. We're so small and helpless and troubled, and He just wants to love us with his whole heart to the point of giving us his body and dying on a cross. That is some intense love.
It's unfathomable to me to not have parents or a family. There are so many orphans here- I guess there are a lot back home too, but back home
At the Missionaries of Charity it's hard to keep myself from crying sometimes when I'm looking at a child. There is one little girl there named Kit (there are a few more syllables after that, but that's all I can pronounce & I like it because when I hold her we're Kit-Cat :) ). She's 8 years old and the size of a toddler. She must only weight 40 pounds or so. I don't know exactly what's wrong with her, but she cries in such agony most of the time and cannot speak. She jerks around a little when being handled, but once she is set in your arms she seems at peace. I tell her about my day, sing her songs, ask her questions and answer them myself etc. I imagine what she will be like in heaven when God raises her in all his Glory. We will have our bodies in heaven (St. Tomas Aquinas) but our bodies the way they were meant to be -before original sin. Even the disciples didn't recognize Jesus after the resurrection, can you imagine how different we will be? Anyway, I know Kit is going to be even more beautiful, and I imagine she'll walk up to me and tell me that sometimes she sure wished that I would've just been quiet & just held her!
Oh, St. Francis help me with Tex! (our kitten) I sneezed & woke her up & now she's blaring off again.. I'll write again soon.
I don't know what that award is sis, but sure! & yes on the link. I have gotten feedback that my blog is 'hard to navigate'. There are some that are really easy & have tabs at the top & all that stuff but I really haven't had time to figure all that stuff out. If you know how maybe I can give you my password & you can log in & help me out. Love you too.
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