keep on the sunny side

Yesterday I went into town & worked at the Missionaries of Charity during the day & ran some errands. Bought a couple books my English class asked for, postcards for family & a pair of closed shoes (gross long story, but it was the doctors suggestion..). Anyway, left the MC's a tad early to catch the bus back to (for once) get back to the Ashram & the kids at home on time. I stood on the corner with the women waiting for the bus. One woman next to said "Auroville?" which is a tourist town near our village. I said no & told her the name of my village. In broken English & exaggerated arm motions I asked if she would tell me when my bus arrived and she agreed-- she was catching the same one. We boarded & I asked one more person if I was on the right bus & they did the head wiggle thing that most of the time means yes (but can also mean just an acknowledgment & that they have no idea what you are saying). As I went to sit next to the woman who helped me out the 'ticket taker' ran towards me saying 'NO'. I said the name of my village & he said 'YOU OFF'. I showed him my money & he pushed me down the isle to the steps of the bus. It wasn't moving that quickly & he shoved me off the bus into the road where I stumbled a bit as the people in the bus laughed and those nearby watched. I flagged the nearest rickshaw & agreed to his first outrageous price instead of engaging in the friendly routine haggling of the price. The only way I can describe how I felt is sad. I couldn't believe how much this man didn't like me even though he didn't know me. A couple hot tears touched my cheeks & I rode home stunned. I told the male volunteer who lives next to me & I can't believe how great he was. He's from Texas & his parents raised him right. He doesn't like us girls goin places alone & especially at night. Must be like herding cats for the poor guy because all us gal's are hard headed overly independent sometimes to the point of ignorance here (this is mostly the French..). I told some of the older girls I was tutoring and they said 'Auntie they don't like white people'. I tried to focus on the positive parts of my day & went to sleep.

This morning when I went for my run I couldn't get this man out of my head, but I knew that in order to forgive him I had to love him. I wondered how many times Jesus had tried to be in my life & I spat in his face & threw him off the bus. In some way I understood the ticket taker dudes asshole-ness just like I think all of you do, and I wasn't hurt or angry anymore.

I've been sewing up all the kids backpacks. I can see my mom shining through me at moments like that. Sometimes I worry that I haven't loved my parents enough. I'll be in Mass or think of them & a pang of guilt and worry will shoot through my chest & I'll just want to tell them I love them & hug them right then.

Okay, sleep time..