There is so much to catch up on! There's Agra, Delhi, Calcutta, the new organization I'm spending my final month in India at, but first & foremost...
why the hell do ants bite people? Seriously-- do they think I'm food? Is it a defense mechanism? I think they'd fair better to crawl along unnoticed. If you're standing on an ant hill I understand, but if they come lookin for ya thats another story. Geeze Louize.. I've got so many dang ant & spider bites & I just don't get it.
I've definitely come around to India. I'm sure I complain too much, but there are some things that are wonderful. Agra & Delhi was a great vacation with two of the guys that I wouldn't trade for the world. It was the perfect vacation from it all. We had some interesting conversations with cab drivers & other native Indians that were incredibly insightful. I can't imagine the journey with anyone else at this time in my life-- perfect traveling buddies <3. Thanks y'all. We had one driver take us from the Ghandi Memorial to other famous sights in New Delhi && in Indian traffic, that took just bout half a day. We were open & non judgmental with him & he seemed to be the same with us. We asked him if he was married-- if he had an arranged marriage to which he answered yes to both. He said that he didn't eat meat or consume alcohol, but didn't judge others who did (at which point one of the guys found it opportune to ask where there was good night life). We asked if arranged marriage was better than love marriage to which he answered yes. The reasons he stated included that the families would get along well, the couple had similar values and beliefs (including caste), and that it was perfect for raising children. He said he had two boys, but wished God would have given him a girl. I assured that God would make good with that desire through grandchildren to which he smiled. We asked if he ever had a girlfriend on the side or if many men with arranged marriages did, and he said, "why?-- it would upset everything." He asked what we thought, & I jokingly told him that I was fairing well with both my husband & boyfriend (motioning to the guys respectively) & that it works well if they're friends ;) We laughed a bit. He let us in on a secret that if drivers take tourists to certain shops they receive vouchers at the end of the month to get things from the stores & asked if we would oblige to what we did. We asked if we had to buy anything, and he told us that we could if we wanted to, but that it would be priced higher-- part of which he would receive as a commission. Now, my momma is Hispanic & my daddy is white (but a Mexican at heart ;) ) && I can kinda see where the guy is coming from on the family being important on the marriage decision. It's not the way that we think it is (well sometimes it is-- one of our cooks met her husband just 4 hours before her marriage, but her husband is a gardener where she works & they've got a son & seem pretty happy..) but for the most part the parents arrange these meetings where the two meet, talk, see if they're compatible & take it from there. I mean-- isn't this what happens anyway?? They're just more direct about it. Also-- if you saw the way that most of the meat is handled here & what the animals eat, you'd eat Veg too. I avoid meat as much as possible (which isn't hard-- most places are 'Veg' or offer 'Pure-Veg Cuisine') At home I love steak & carne asada, but some of the dishes they make are really amazing- you stop noticing that theres not any meat in it (except that you're tired a lot because of the lack of protein...) About the no alcohol thing, well- I ain't testifying to that.
I went to Calcutta with 3 other Americans & two nuns- one French one.. Turkish? I think, or something like that. We road in an Indian train 2nd class 'with the people' as Gandhi put it for bout 40 hours there & 30 back-- YIKES. It was definitely an experience & without the other girls to lean on, I couldn't have done it. It was extremely dirty.. one afternoon a few of us sat on the top bunks and watched the mice run around from place to place. I woulda lost it had it not been for those girls. They're all from the midwest & Yankees, so by American standards we'd think we weren't from the same place, but hardship & time has a way of creating strong bonds & friendships that focus on similarities & not differences. I really feel like I'd do anything for those girls (so don't you try to mess with em! :p)
We worked with the Missionaries of Charity (the Mother Teresa Sisters) at a home for mentally challenged girls & women, and also at her famous house for the sick & dying. Each morning started with Mass at 7am, followed by a volunteers breakfast with people from all over the world, then we would all depart to our respective locations. It was amazing to see how many people from all over the world there were! (side note-- men from Argentina.. *SWOON* might be my favorite in the world.. so flippin tall, attractive, funny.. thank goodness I speak Spanish! was fun..) & there were so many that aren't even Catholic-- who knew? There is so much poverty there-- more than I've seen in any place in India, but at the same time I felt like the people had a certain dignity to them. The folks in the North of India are different than in the South. The South is more traditional-- all the women wear sari's or churidas & the men wear those skirt lookin things that I can't remember the proper name for. The people are also much darker skinned, so white folks stick out more. In the south they're not afraid to yell or stare, jeer, taunt, or ask for money just because you're not Indian, but in the North they're a little more indifferent to you. There's not much place for the individual in this country-- noise, looks, etc. so being ignored for a while is totally appreciated. But even the people bathing in the streets seemed to just be going about their business- like, they didn't really give a sh.. if you were watching, but they were going to get along & do what they had to do to survive. The homeless seemed to have existing social patterns & structures as opposed to the South (at least in Pondicherry) that are mostly just passed out drunks, or old leppers missing limbs. Idk.. they're very poor, but in some ways I think they've got it more together than folks I know back home with big houses & a coupla cars.
NOW- the new organization I'm with for my last month here is called "Voluntaria..." something like Volunteer but in French, I'll look it up later. I live in an old lepper colony right on the ocean. My room is above a primary school & across from a place that spins, weaves, & makes cloth that is sold all over the world. I was more ignorant about leprosy than I was about HIV when I arrived-- but apparently it's completely curable these days, & there haven't been new cases in years. I'll write somethin bout it later. Anyway, this AMAZING woman from Belgium came to Pondicherry when she was about 16 in the 1960's & started doing social work & then started her own organization. Today they employ over 300 locals, give free schooling (there's no free school like in the states) to over 3,000 underprivileged children, and sustain themselves with a farm & selling fabric, aprons, handbags & other goods all over the world. I teach English & in my free time kick it with the workers downstairs. I don't understand them, but we watch goats, they try to teach me Tamil & laugh when I pronounce words, and take photos of the women while they work. The people here love getting their photos taken, even if they don't see it. I'm not sure why, but it's great, because I've gotten some great shots without any apprehensions on either end.
Well-- that's all I can think of for now. In a month I'll head for France for a while. My totally awesome neighbor has a flat in Paris which she's allowing me to stay at free of cost. She's French, spends most her time in India, other in random French colonies all over the world that her family works at, & just a bit in France. Still not decided how long I'll stay there, but my French is gettin pretty good, & why pass up an opportunity, right?
Happy New Year!!
it's been crazy here at the Ashram. We made it thru a hurricane & have literally spent all day cleaning. The volunteers had plans to attend a masquerade party at a French resort, but they've canceled due to damages. It's amazing how everyone here just popped into action. It's a natural & healthy way of coping with all the damage that has been done to their homes that I'm learning a lot from. Some of the trees have been here since the community started here in the ashram, but they will grow back. There are no big pick ups to load up & only one chainsaw, so we've all been working our tails off dragging things by hand & raking, etc.
In about a week I'm headed to see the Taj Mahal with a couple of the guys here & then off to Calcutta with some of the girls <3.
Not much time for reflection at the moment, but happy happy HAPPY new year. I haven't settled on a resolution yet-- I googled some, but idk. I think I should write more.. (more better that is ;) )
I have a certain Montgomery in mind for my midnight kiss, but I'll understand if I'm too out of the way for him to make it :)
There's a gate on one of the back walks I take that reminds me of my friends lake house back out in Seguin, Texas & all the fun & trouble we got into. I remember heading out one weekend in college before finals for studying, writing & fishing & ending up at a crawfish boil in South Louisiana before it was all said & done. I've been very fortunate in my life-- God gave me a super guardian angel that is good at working overtime. I don't know if I've ever felt so content in my life as I do now. It's hard to explain-- leaving everything & everyone I love to try to answer God's call has been the hardest thing I've ever done in my life, but also the most fruitful. In one of the priests homily this advent he focused on the poverty of Mary. Think about it-- the angel appears to her, gives her the news, she accepts it with blind faith & then-- THEN-- the angel Gabriel leaves her. Like-- can you imagine?? She had to just deal with it & keep on keeping on. What a woman.
I've been trying to do one (at least) new thing each day while I am here. Today one of the Indian girls living with the Sisters taught me how to put on my Christmas Sari. I didn't have a mirror, but I'm totally stoked & I think I rocked it :) I'm totally wearing that sucker somewhere back in the states. One of the girls doesn't have one to wear (you can get a silk one for $20 USD) & I'm thinking of getting it for her as a Christmas gift, but I'm caught whether she doesn't want it because of the money or if she just doesn't want it. I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable & still not sure what to do.
Another new thing-- went to a beauty shop here owned by a lady who goes to mass here at the Ashram. Indian people-- at least the ones from the South are really rough! In spanish we would say "tosca". They're always grabbin & tryna fix your hair or stick a dot on your forehead, but I'd been telling her I'd go for a month now so.. I went. She did that eyebrow plucking thing where they use a string instead of wax- not bad. My eyebrows did need it.. & she insisted that I didn't pay. Before I left she (and her two other customers) took pictures of me with their camera phones.
Yesterday I went into town with the lady who runs this place & it was great! I don't know how she does it, but she was Christmas shopping for each child & took the time to get me my sari, too. It was really nice being with someone who knew where they were going. I didn't get anyone gifts for Christmas, so I hope they didn't get me anything. Hope you all are having a happy advent :)
Dayum! sometimes life is just good. Like right bout now. It's Christmas season, kids are all doin good in school, the monsoon is over (mostly), got a trip lined up to the north of India to see the Taj with some friends, got my next job lined up, found a liquor store near my village :p. I looked into safari's cuz I thought it'd be nice to try to see some tigers, but hell, 1st off you can't shoot anything, then you can't eat meat on the whole park, can't drink beer, & it's bout the same price I paid to go to Africa & actually hunt. The prices here for any1 who isn't a resident of India are ridiculous. I went to a museum the other day that was 5 INR for indians & 100 for non Indians. Then I thought about how much it hurts when my cats claw me & I multiplied it by a million & thought maybe I don't need to see a tiger in the wild. Might still do it cuz I'm known to be a little stubborn, but ain't a priority. Saturday I'm going to a temple nearby that's got a 'monkey temple' & some other weird stuff, I'll post some photos. One of the French guys got a TVS (like between a moped & motorcycle) & invited me to lunch/ explore tomorrow. I haven't left the Ashram since I got thrown off the bus 2 weeks ago, but knowing my apprehensions he told me not to worry bout a thing & he's a proper gentleman so I believe him.
The kids are pretty awesome. I realize how great my parents were by dealing with them & butting heads with others on whats the best way to raise em. Memories come flooding into my mind at almost every turn of the day. One of my favorites I hadn't thought of in a long time was an Easter long ago with my mom & brother. It might not have been Easter proper-- the details are blurred with time & a child's selective memory, but for some reason we all sat in the living room of our double wide trailer at the ranch sad and troubled. The mood was lower than low. Jase (brother) & I were without words which doesn't happen often. Out of nowhere my mom busted into the room with cascarones & broke them on our heads-- in the house. (white folk, a cascaron is an empty egg painted & filled with confetti broken on ppl's heads on Easter) At first Jason & I were alarmed at our mothers madness & didn't move. She was not deterred & followed the first perturbed act with another. Our childish stubbornness settled on sulk quickly faded & all three of us danced in a ring of confetti around the living room. We must have gone through 20 dozen eggs.
Another time I had checked out a really good book from the library & wanted to finish it. I was bored by my teachers & classes, so in the morning I told my mom I didn't want to go to school. She asked me if I felt sick & I made it a point not to say yes, but to be deceitful enough to where she thought I was. I stayed on the sofa & read the whole thing. I finished about 1 o'clock & told my mom I could go to school now. She (thinking I was sick before & now felt better) told me not to worry about school & that I could go tomorrow. Satisfied with my angels approval, I sat guiltlessly all afternoon & watched TV as she brought me soup, crackers & whatever I desired.
I'm pretty free with the kids. I feel that the others try to micromanage their every move, but I'm probably too far one way & maybe they're too far the other. I've been playin fiddle here & when I watch the toddlers is a good time to practice. Idk why one of the kids, Aneesh, always calls the damn thing a banjo. I kept correcting him, but seeing as to how he's set on it I've let it be. I don't even know how he knows what a banjo is. I hear the older ones home from school now & should get going. Write again soon.
I hope you are getting into the Christmas spirit! I found a tree in the city near our village for a good price and the kids love it. I’ll tell you strait out the gate that I’m going to ask you for $20 for Christmas. There’s a young boy here whose name is Ajith. He’s 11 years old, but about the size of an eight year old. He stays at the house for the toddlers because he would surely be trampled if he stayed with kids his own age.
Only about 30% of his lungs work. The HIV makes the kids more susceptible to catching TB and other infections, especially before they come here to the orphanage and don’t have proper care. I went with our priest to take him to one of his doctors appointments. The doc explained that his bronchi (or something like that, I don’t know much about that sort of thing) are enlarged which keeps mucous and fluid in his lungs that are already only working at 30%. He said that he needs a machine to wear at night (like a sleep apnea machine) in order for their to be oxygen in his blood to prevent further organ damage. The machine is $1,000, or about how much it costs to run the whole orphanage for a month. We don’t have the money, but with your help I figured, hell we can find just 50 people to donate $20 bucks to save a kids life.
Even though I work with them everyday the concept of an orphan is still hard for me to grasp, but think of it- this kid has no family. If we don’t vouch for Ajith, who will? I hope that you’ll help him out.
Technical stuff-- It’ll work best if one person can collect & then western union it over because we can only withdraw about $150 a day. Sorry that it won’t be a tax deductable organization-- we’re doing this kinda scrappy and want to get it done in the next week or so. We've got a pay pall set up, just click the button. I’ll post a list of everyone that has donated (unless you would like to remain anonymous) so you can see who has donated and that we’re not keeping the money. I’ll also put up some photos of the machine once we get it.
Hope y’all are doing well & thanks for your help. Mention this to other folks that you know that may want to help out. All we need is 50 people to give $20. We can do this.
Cat Archer
**Can't figure out this damn 'donate' button yet, gettin there.. Send me a msg if you want to help out for now. We're on a time restraint**
Yesterday I went into town & worked at the Missionaries of Charity during the day & ran some errands. Bought a couple books my English class asked for, postcards for family & a pair of closed shoes (gross long story, but it was the doctors suggestion..). Anyway, left the MC's a tad early to catch the bus back to (for once) get back to the Ashram & the kids at home on time. I stood on the corner with the women waiting for the bus. One woman next to said "Auroville?" which is a tourist town near our village. I said no & told her the name of my village. In broken English & exaggerated arm motions I asked if she would tell me when my bus arrived and she agreed-- she was catching the same one. We boarded & I asked one more person if I was on the right bus & they did the head wiggle thing that most of the time means yes (but can also mean just an acknowledgment & that they have no idea what you are saying). As I went to sit next to the woman who helped me out the 'ticket taker' ran towards me saying 'NO'. I said the name of my village & he said 'YOU OFF'. I showed him my money & he pushed me down the isle to the steps of the bus. It wasn't moving that quickly & he shoved me off the bus into the road where I stumbled a bit as the people in the bus laughed and those nearby watched. I flagged the nearest rickshaw & agreed to his first outrageous price instead of engaging in the friendly routine haggling of the price. The only way I can describe how I felt is sad. I couldn't believe how much this man didn't like me even though he didn't know me. A couple hot tears touched my cheeks & I rode home stunned. I told the male volunteer who lives next to me & I can't believe how great he was. He's from Texas & his parents raised him right. He doesn't like us girls goin places alone & especially at night. Must be like herding cats for the poor guy because all us gal's are hard headed overly independent sometimes to the point of ignorance here (this is mostly the French..). I told some of the older girls I was tutoring and they said 'Auntie they don't like white people'. I tried to focus on the positive parts of my day & went to sleep.
This morning when I went for my run I couldn't get this man out of my head, but I knew that in order to forgive him I had to love him. I wondered how many times Jesus had tried to be in my life & I spat in his face & threw him off the bus. In some way I understood the ticket taker dudes asshole-ness just like I think all of you do, and I wasn't hurt or angry anymore.
I've been sewing up all the kids backpacks. I can see my mom shining through me at moments like that. Sometimes I worry that I haven't loved my parents enough. I'll be in Mass or think of them & a pang of guilt and worry will shoot through my chest & I'll just want to tell them I love them & hug them right then.
I went to town today to see the Doctor for some skin problems & another for my stomach (India is tuff on my body..) Tummy guy wasn't there today, so I went to a French bakery for some coffee & a sweet with two hours to kill. Had a great conversation with a sharp young lad who appealed to my intellect & a few other senses. Told him where I stay & what we do here, he said he'd like to stop by sometime & check it out. Something like 'oh Father, you'll love it' came out of my mouth. He just laughed & said I need to talk to some men who aren't men priests from time to time. Hope that means he was volunteering for the position ;)
Got to the doc, sat in the waiting room with Father-- who I met in town & had to see the same guy bout a thing on his foot. He'd just come from a Moslem family that he knows nearby who just lost a son to Leukemia. They're very poor & the congregation my priest belongs to had paid for his treatments. Their daughter had polio as a child & is crippled. Then he told me about Paris and St. Catherine. An Indian woman next to him saw him & started speaking French to him. She brought in her daughter and granddaughter from outside and asked him to bless them to which he obliged. We went into a smaller waiting room & he went in first then left. I was next. The doctor was a really nice guy. We talked for a bit about things I don't really remember but I know I was happy talking to him. I called him Father too, he laughed & said he had three daughters older than me, so I wasn't completely wrong in my statement. I got my medicine at a pharmacy & haggled with a rickshaw driver for a ride home.
I'm teaching English to a group of men who are studying to be Priests here at the Ashram I live at. I gave them an essay assignment with prompts all about the caste system. It's something that really intrigues me. One man was shocked that the west didn't have a caste system. He asked how we can accomplish anything. I've researched the subject a lot, but I'm eager to see what will be in their essays. I will keep you posted.
Things here have gotten a lot easier since two months ago. Some days are really hard, but life with the kids has gotten more routine. I had an apartment in the same lot or fenced area (ashram) here where the kids & about 40 other people live, but I lived above a ward of hiv positive women in which the disease had really progressed.. some days it sounded like living in a mental ward.. apparently the virus attacks the brain in a lot of people. Also women who are already mentally handicapped are more vulnerable to being raped. There is one woman who cannot speak, she just kinda grunts or growls who is 7 months pregnant. This passed Sunday I moved into a room downstairs at the house that the kids live in & I'm much happier here. Less time to myself (at this point I didn't know that was possible!) but it's better. No need for an alarm clock, that is for sure! On my moving day the kids also found a 2 week old kitten that I've been volunteered into caring for who has an internal feeding clock that has gone off at 4AM for the passed 3 days (which is why I'm up writing now :) ).
I've been going to the Sister's of Mother Teresa in town (Missionaries of Charity) to volunteer while our kids are away at school & it's really beautiful. The kids are severely disabled & the first time I went I practically ran out of there & that night cried myself to sleep. I was angry with God & couldn't understand how that could happen and people could exist in such a state, but I can't explain it now, but there's a joy in holding some of the kids now & just visiting them. I don't think Mary understood completely what was going on at the annunciation or at the crucifixion, but instead of trying to tackle something with her intelligence I think she just loved. I don't know why these children suffer so much, but all I can do is love them and hold a child that otherwise would not have been held that day. A friend of mine here from Pennsylvania said that that's what we must be like in the arms of Jesus. We're so small and helpless and troubled, and He just wants to love us with his whole heart to the point of giving us his body and dying on a cross. That is some intense love.
It's unfathomable to me to not have parents or a family. There are so many orphans here- I guess there are a lot back home too, but back home I don't thinkI know I wouldn't have stopped my life & made time to get out of myself to be with them. Sometimes its hard not having hot water, the bugs & snakes, hand washing clothes, unfamiliar food everything, but at the end of this I get to go home to a beautiful loving family & all of my friends who support me so much. These children won't be home until heaven.
At the Missionaries of Charity it's hard to keep myself from crying sometimes when I'm looking at a child. There is one little girl there named Kit (there are a few more syllables after that, but that's all I can pronounce & I like it because when I hold her we're Kit-Cat :) ). She's 8 years old and the size of a toddler. She must only weight 40 pounds or so. I don't know exactly what's wrong with her, but she cries in such agony most of the time and cannot speak. She jerks around a little when being handled, but once she is set in your arms she seems at peace. I tell her about my day, sing her songs, ask her questions and answer them myself etc. I imagine what she will be like in heaven when God raises her in all his Glory. We will have our bodies in heaven (St. Tomas Aquinas) but our bodies the way they were meant to be -before original sin. Even the disciples didn't recognize Jesus after the resurrection, can you imagine how different we will be? Anyway, I know Kit is going to be even more beautiful, and I imagine she'll walk up to me and tell me that sometimes she sure wished that I would've just been quiet & just held her! Oh, St. Francis help me with Tex! (our kitten) I sneezed & woke her up & now she's blaring off again.. I'll write again soon.
My best friends are some of the most stubborn, hard headed, ain't got an awkward bone in their bodies, never met a stranger, beautiful women anyone could find. My momma is the same & their momma's are, too. I admit my deepest fears, insecurities & wounds to them. They've always got the right words-- because they've gone through some things to make them so strong & sweet.
Sometimes when I talk to people back home they say, "Oh, you've only been gone ***..." But when everything is foreign & everything is a battle it doesn't seem like "only". Some days have 72 hours or more. It's like, 'Oh, you've only had your head underwater for two minutes??' My friends get that it's hard sometimes, but they also know me better than anyone, so when they say I can make it, I believe them.
But the men in my life right now are driving me mad.. & that's usually one of my favorite parts! I just gotta hold fast to Jesus, my big brother, & pop. Hopefully them three can run off the rest & give me strength & patience to handle the ones I have to deal with.
(Hey Michelle, remember that time I was supposed to take Corry Morrow out, but forgot & bolted, went home & went to sleep instead after the concert?? lol)
Saying your homesick for Texas is like saying your hungry for air. It's not really something you can help. I've been in India for about 6 weeks now, & the more I see of it, the more I like it. There is a simplicity to the people which makes them very crude, but coming from a society of complexes, issues, over thinking etc, it can be refreshing. A love for traveling is bittersweet. The more of the world you see, the more you realize how big it is, and want to keep seeing more. Trying to assimilate and staying true to yourself can be a contradiction hard to manage. Some people are genuine, some will screw you given the chance.
Life in Texas is beautiful. I often think of my friends, good music & honky tonks, beers at the stables, listening to the stories of the wiser generations, bacon & eggs for breakfast, my old boots and my old freedoms. Life in India is beautiful in its own rights, too. The beach is just walking distance away, and we eat coconuts and bananas that grow on the trees here in the ashram (i.e.- if you are reading this, send a blender & rum). Although the life is harsh, the peoples bodies adopt better. People of all ages sit on the floor, lift heavy things, walk for long distances, etc. Although some of these strengths are visible through character lines on the skin, the body underneath is usually in better form. I want to share two individuals with you today.
The first is a little boy named Bangladesh. I have been told that when he first came to the Ashram his stomach was bloated from starvation, he barely spoke and acted out violently when he did. He is mentally handicapped in some way but I'm not too familiar with such diagnostics. I think he's maybe severely autistic, but I could be wrong. Anyway, this is his first year in a 'special school'. He's 12 years old like a handful of the other boys and plays along well enough most of the time. His body is slightly more matured than the others, and his jaw and chin protrude out a bit as if he's pushing it forward. At night when it comes to story time, all the kids gather around like the toddlers. Bangladesh always wants to read about animals. He comes up to me with an encyclopedia of animals and wants me to read him the entire thing.. every night. I ask him to pick ten animals & we can learn about just those. There is usually a theme & lately its sea animals. "Does it bite?" "Do they live here?" "Do they live in Texas?" Those three questions are asked after we finish with each. *****TBC********
The 2nd person is one of our cooks named Arul Mary. I think both her & her husband William are from nearby villages. 'Ol Bill is the gardener here at the Ashram & there son Marionos is home schooled along with some of the other toddlers by a French volunteer. William takes their little tike to mass in the mornings, in the mid afternoon he brings us fresh coconuts & his wife makes him a snack. When his son is done with school he follows him around & imitates his movements out of love and admiration. William shows fatherly affections to the other little ones too which is beautiful. The children here at the orphanage are usually surrounded by women, & 'foreigners' at that, so it's nice to see them have healthy interaction with a man of their own culture. Arul Mary & William met each other four hours before their marriage. Let me give you a minute to let that sink in.. ****TBC****
Life on a mission is sometimes just life. It's amazing-- good & bad-- what people can adjust to. I try to take photos of things the second I find them interesting or out of place, because they'll soon seem normal. Last time I went to the beach I didn't really notice the men staring at me & the two other 'white women' I was with before they came over & asked if they could take photos with us, or the herd of goats rolling in the sand. Walking out of the convent after lunch today, I was only slightly impressed by the 6 foot snake the gardener William was still beating to death. (btw, thank goodness he's not Hindu or Jain & is okay with killing those awful things..)
It's strange that living in a beautiful place full of prayer & beauty one can still have crummy days. Most of us here alternatingly have electricity or water. I'd rather have electricity though, so my fan can stay on & just shower at someone else's place. Waking up from a nap because I'm sweating, or because the women who live under me are burning leaves in a flower pot that seems to vent right up through my window isn't so bad anymore. I can now manage to stay half asleep while I throw off my sleeping bag, slip on flip flops, rummage for a flashlight & stumble to the bathroom to squat pee, all the while checking the hall for spiders, centipedes, snakes, etc. Children vomiting, crying, fighting is also totally controllable now.
It's also amazing to see what stays the same-- what I don't think I will get used to. I cannot bring myself to walk around barefoot. I've been 'offensive' at some places & in certain company for leaving my sandals on, but just- ew- not going to happen. When the toddlers take off their shorts in the middle of the room (they don't wear underwear) and then walk over to the bathroom, leave the door open to do their business, wash their little hand & bring me their shorts to put back on them.. I would just prefer if they were little barbie dolls without real um, parts.
Speaking of 'parts'.. most of the men here are totally disgusting. They where these weird 'man skirts' that I guess are traditional clothing, but anytime it's just women around, they will lift them to adjust themselves, or just flash it out.. They also all pee publicly, & not off in a corner, just anywhere- right when they feel like doin it like the damn cattle. To walk to the University, we take a back trail & pass by what looks like a dormitory & these guys will all run outside & drop their towels. The other day in the bus, me & one of the French volunteers managed to find a seat, & an old drunk stood in the isle & played with himself as he starred at us, & flashed his skirt open a few times. I've seen way too much disgusting male genitalia for one flippin lifetime.
Well hell. That's a pretty negative way to end, huh? Okay, on a different note- a totally non disgusting Indian man- been reading the life & times of Ghandi by... (can't remember the author's name, but he's really good so I'll insert it later) & it's really pretty amazing. He did a lot more work in South Africa than the movie gave him credit for.- Yes, my extent of pre-India Ghandi knowledge is that, a book my brother lend me once about his teachings that I flipped through on a flight from Alaska, & for some reason i know he used to try to eat a tomato a day to avoid constipation. Apparently his father & grandfather were prime ministers in a small west Indian City, he got his law degree in England in 2 years and 8 months where he was shy & did his best to imitate western men (but kept a promise to his mother to avoid wine, women, and meat... so not very western at all in my opinion) He also decided at age 36 to be celibate & kept this vow until his death. It's really good so far, but I'm only 150 pages in & its bout 600 I think. I'll keep you posted.
Most days here at the Ashram are filled with laughter & kids being kids but today I want to share a difficult story with you.
The 41 kids here are separated into 3 groups. The toddlers stay at the "Taj", the middle kids and older girls at Jeeva Nivas (house of life) & the older boys in another house. My mornings (everyday but Saturday) are spent with the toddlers & I'm also with them all day Wednesday.
Today is all souls day, different from yesterday all saints day (look it up ;) ) One of the older girls at the toddlers house is named Rajeswari, we call her Raje (sounds like Reggie). Her mother died from the virus within the past year, & like all the other kids here she is HIV positive. Most children get the disease from birth (though some girls have gotten in through abuse). The usual case is that the father was a driver, slept with a prostitute, got HIV, brought it into the family, the wife becomes positive & infects her children either by birth or through breast milk. (With proper treatment from the beginning of pregnancy there is an 85% chance that the children will not have the virus, but because the virus lays dormant in some people, they don't know they have it. Some of the pregnant women that live under me at the flat are undergoing this treatment) In Raje's case, her father was not positive. Either the mother had the disease since birth (it can lay dormant for many years) & had a strand of the virus that did not correspond with her husband, but past it on to her daughter-- or she went out of the 'circle of trust'. (When explaining to the kids how someone gets the disease, we use this metaphor. When two people get married, they agree to stay in a circle. Someone went outside the circle & brought the disease back into the circle.) Anyway, most Indian people are very ignorant about HIV, & they ostracize those affected. The village where Raje is from is no exception. People accused her father of killing his wife & infecting his daughter by being with a whore. (this is not true since he was not positive). He received numerous threats & constant ridicule and abuse. About a week ago, he took his own life.
Today Raje is wearing one of her nicest dresses and is going to the cathedral in town with the head of the orphanage, an older girl to translate some things into Tamil (her native tongue) and one of the priests. Today she will find out she has no more family. She is a bright girl, mischievous at times & has a way of convincing all the boys to do things for her (I think we will be friends when she is older ;) ) Today I ask that you keep a special place in your heart for her. She will lead a very difficult life. Let's pray that she continues to bear her cross with joy. Please take a moment to ask God to comfort her as she begins to face difficulties she does not yet understand.
What have I done? Why have I sinned? I’ve played with the devil & let him win. I tangle into darkness by the seduction of the lies, gifts of this world instead of your eternal prize I am not worthy, something we both know, but you’ll love me anyway & fight for my soul.
It’s ignorant bliss to ignore spiritual warfare. Your angels fight tirelessly to win me back but the closer we are drawn to the light of your glory evermore profound are these shadows of black
he uses my past to ignite my pride & I tell myself I’ve gone too far to be forgiven but who am I to ever make that judgement? My anguish becomes the flame by which I am driven
it is the thorn in my side to remind me of my flesh which draws me back to kneel before the cross makes me work each day-- out of love for you for through the resurrection all sin is lost
So!
My health has not been so great, but other things are definitely looking up! I went shopping with Audrey at the volunteers weekly outing in Pondi yesterday & we definitely splurged spending about $50 USD over a four hour period (including a very nice lunch). I've had an awful cough-- went to the pharmacy for some medicine, & didn't notice until this morning that my cough syrup is mostly made up of Codeine.. I've been teaching & tutoring the young ones, who grow up pretty western-- in the clothes they wear & the movies they watch, but today I'll have my first English class of 8 Indian men who want to enter the Religious community that I am working with. The whole society is pretty misogynistic, so I'm curious (& not optimistic) on how they will accept a female teacher... (good thing for my cough syrup today :) ) There are some social things going on-- tonight is a French cheese & cocktail party in a neighboring village made up of mostly tourists. The next night is live rock music (*yawn*) in town that one of the other volunteers is excited about, and the next day is a wedding. I'm looking forward to my first Indian wedding. I will post pictures soon thereafter.
toodles til next time.
Which of the following does not belong? -- okay, no seriously-- There are two big lizards living with me & they used to really freak me out, but now I've named them Harry & Sally ( I thought it was romantic :) ) & I look for them anytime I get in, like wheres Waldo. This is Sally-- she's been there for two days now. Harry hangs out near the light bulbs.
Internet, Finally! Apparently 'foreigners' are not allowed to have a wifi usb thing in order to fight terrorism here-- this is what I have been told by numerous Indians as well as my fellow foreigners. All the volunteers here have simple cell phones that are passed around & used for practical logistical purposes (the ashram is pretty big & every1 has a continually fluctuating schedule) but the microphone on mine was out. I went to a Vodophone shop to get a new one & see if I could figure out a cheaper way to call the US-- after getting 2 passport photos from a picture shop around the corner-- & it was closed due to elections. That happens a lot here. Also, alcohol is not legally served during elections, but I have been on a certain outing where numerous refilled teapots came to the table & the waiter was tipped well.
I found myself in the accidental company of two young men & immediately we were linked by our common gaze at the "Closed Holiday" sign written in thin orange marker. Now, I used to be apprehensive on asking for help or directions, but traveling alone helps one outgrow such insecurities. I asked where I could find internet, they had a discussion between themselves & before I knew it I was on the back of a motorcycle zipping through rickshaws, tvs-es, cars & cows. His English had been broken, so I wasn't sure how far we were going, but after a few minutes of worrying I let go of my fear & enjoyed the ride.
We wound up pretty far actually-- & off of the few tourist streets I'm acquainted with. I text my boss who was going to meet me in town for lunch where I was & she said she was on her way. I managed to get an internet connection & convinced the young guy to put it under his name-- I mean, it's prepaid-- there's not much damage I could do. After I paid & had the device securely in my backpack the guy started having second thoughts & wanted to know exactly where I was staying, my social & other personal information. My boss arrived shortly after, I hoped on the back of her motorcycle & the young man's angry yell was soon drowned out by the sounds of the city. Anyway, I should have this set up for 3 months, God willing.
After that we proceeded to a great French restaurant. One great thing about India is that you can find 5 Star food (though usually not service) for about 1/2- 2/3 of what you would pay in the states.
Life is getting a bit more routine. It's hard to learn all the kids names at first because they're all just sounds. They can be a lot to handle at times, but there's always a little hand in mine when I walk outside my room. There's one boy B who goes to a special school & is a little slow somehow, but in other ways is really bright. At night he brings me this big Encyclopedia of Animals for Kids & wants me to read it all. I usually cut it down to a handful of animals & a story, but he does not forget any of those dang animals- it's really something. He asks me about the horses & cowboys in Texas & wants to see pictures. I flip thru my phone & show him the same few photos (that don't have too many beer cans & us cuttin up) of some horses & my favorite cowboy ;) & feel a little pang in my heart for Texas. I think of me & my gal Michelle gettin out to the stables after work, changing out of our heels & skirts to our dirty old jeans, riding til sunset & drinking & lying to each other with the guys around the fire at dark. I think of the boy I'm missing & wonder if we'll ever have a couple acres, couple horses, couple kids. I told him about B, he said he'd send an old cowboy hat for him, I said I bet he'd like that.
The other volunteers are great. There's an Irish guy who's just decided to be a priest (God help the Church), a buncha French folks, coupla Germans & two other Americans. I spend most my free time with one of the French girls A; she's really great. We've got philosophy classes together, bible study, weekly outing & some other things we all do together. Going into town is a mess on that bus, but in a group it's not so bad.
I've got to get better about taking pictures-- I've got a couple now & will post more later. Until then, keep the children in your prayers.
